No one can know exactly what I'm feeling right now. Even I can't know it exactly. I'm totally numb, I don't know. How much time more I'll be blank minded, moving aimlessly, just to see if something happens? How much time more can I expect it to get better? I'm not really fine. I just pretend to be so. I pretend it so well that even I can't tell that I'm not fine. And it hurts. I would like to mean something more to people that mean something for me. But I think I can't. I know a lotta people love me. But when the people you are supposed to love the most turns you down, you just can react, you're left blank. And it has happened too many times to me. What would be it? Probably it's all my fault. I tend to believe in people too much, I tend to trust too much and to think the things I feel are reciprocal. But it's been proved that I've been wrong too many times. Frankly speaking, I feel lonely. I don't like to be this brutally frank, it hurts. But well, at least it's better to write these things than to keep it to myself, just as usual. Sometimes one gets tired of being the strong one, but there's nothing left to do than letting the weight to squash me, till I get strong enough to stand up again and bear the burden, huskily, as usual. But now, I'm like a squashed insect on the floor, or whatever holds me. But I'm afraid that it's each time harder to recover without help. Hmm, I have to admit that I'm a weakling playing tough... And that I'm hungry, sleepy and cold once more...
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Sigur Rós - Njosnavelin

What to do on a three-day vacation

1. Make a pre-vacation non-vacational vacation-like break: It's so hard to understand that when you've devised its meaning, you'll probably be well into the new term, and you'll have forgotten everything else.

2. Plan your moves carefully: if you know you're gonna have to dedicate 32.45 seconds to every activity you start, you better do

3. Nothing.

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Demonios, estoy ciertamente molesto. Mis vacaciones se redujieron a la asombrosa cantidad de 3 días, solo por un maldito exámen. No entiendo: ¿Cómo es posible sacarse un 7 en un examen mientras en otro, de un ramo relativo a éste, la nota no me alcanza para aprobar?. Bueno, luego de la repetición, espero no tener problemas. Y lo podría haber pasado tan bien esta semana. Pero bueno, no todo fue tan triste, igual hice algunas cosas que no hacia hace años y en muy agradable compañía. Olvidaba lo entretenido que era jugar boliche.

De todas formas, sigo en mi "bad choice's period" elegi mal todo. Empezando, por la semana pasada, cambiar una chaqueta que me compré junto a un par de pantalones. La cambiè porque me gustaba como me quedaba, pero estaba tan idiotizado, que no me fije que era de Ecocuero(cloruro de polivinilo+poliester, super ecológica :/ ) ya que ahora estan tan bien hechas que no puedes casi notar la diferencia. No querìa andar vestido con un pedazo de PVC. Pero si no se me hubiera ocurrido cambiarla, me habría salido gratis, junto con el pantalón: Resulta que en los Almacenes Capital Francesa del Parque Región-del-sur-de-Chile-donde-habita-el-pueblo-araucano, se les cayó el sistema, justo luego de hacer mi compra. Como buen consumista, sólo compro con tarjeta en estos almacenes, asi que mi compra estaba ingresada en el sistema. Ellos creyeron haberla ingresado dos veces, luego de la falla, y borraron la compra del registro, haciendo una nota de crédito (una devolución de plata en terminos tributarios). Claro, esto lo vine a saber al otro día, cuando llegue con mi chaqueta gratis a hacer el cambio. Estuve tres horas eligiendo algo por que cambiarla, y cuando supe esto, ya habia pasado tantos trabajos que decidí llevarme lo que había encontrado. No me cobraron la chaqueta, claro, pero me la quitaron retuvieron amablemente. Al menos, renové mi guardarropa, y me lleve *muchas* cosas mas, por el mismo precio :S.

Bad decision number two: Quedarme en Ciudadlandia un fin de semana que no tenia nada planeado, según yo, para disfrutar mis vacaciones luego. Si bien, el hecho en si no fue malo, las repercusiones que tuvo fueron las desagradables: Sin renovación musical de fin de semana, sin plata y, eventualmente, sin vacaciones. Aunque al menos esa mala decisión me hizo tener una epifanía. La única razón porque quiero ir a Fomelandia es porque mi computador con coneccion bandaultraancha está ahí. Toda mi vida está en Ciudadlandia, pero como bien lo dijo Pointdexter: "Home is where the computer is" Pero mi vida esta donde yo estoy.

La verdad, cada vez aprecio menos estos viajes. ¿A que viajo? a buscar plata, aguantar las idioteces de todos, a encerrarme en el computador para hablar por messenger con mis amigos que estan en Ciudadlandia o Playalandia y dejar que los días pasen. No me interesa mucho estar en un lugar donde cada vez que tienen oportunidad me hacen sentir que no me necesitan. En un lugar donde se haga escándalo por nimias idioteces, y donde apenas se me pregunte cómo me fue. No pertenezco a ningun lado, y en estos momentos, la verdad creo que pertenezco cada vez menos a mi familia(a Fomelandia nunca pertenecí, jamás deberia haberme venido, en todo caso). Ya no me molesta permanecer lejos, no quería venirme a aburrir en las vacaciones. Quizá no fue tan malo quedarme casi toda la semana en que pensaba tirarme las bolas. La verdad, lo único que no hice que parecieran vacaciones fue tirármelas, mientras que si me iba a fomelandia cuando lo habia planeado, aparte de no poder tirármelas, no habria tenido nada que hacer, excepto las cosas en mi casa, cumplir favores y pelear. Hoy lo hice, pero afortunadamente, sólo seran tres días. So, what can you do on a three day vacation?

- Nothing

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Category I - The Hub

You're a 'people person'. Networking runs in your
blood. Consequently, you can move through most
social circles with ease.


What Type of Social Entity are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

(este es el quiz con los dibujos mas pertubadores que he visto)


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Boards of Canada - Everything you do is a Balloon

-"Time flies" -"You can't, they fly too quickly!"

Son las 7:27, y estoy en la oficina. Se supone que tenia que hacer clases a las 7:15, pero nadie ha llegado. Se supone que me iba a juntar a las 6 con Saturnino, pero me dejó plantado. Fui a dejar el teléfono de mi hermano para que lo arreglen, y lo tienen en 10 días hábiles, ergo, no puedo dejar el mío porque si no me quedo sin enlace al mundo. No he podido hacer mi ensayo para seminario y tengo sueño. Dammit hoy no esta bueno el día.

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Boards of Canada - Alpha and Omega

Walking Wounded

Out amongst the walking wounded, every face on every bus
Is you and me and him and her and nothing can replace the us I knew
Nothing can replace the us I knew

And no, I'm never gonna let you go
And no, I'm never gonna let you go
And now I know I had a choice though you never made it clear to me
I thought you never felt it deeply
Now I'm never gonna let you go
Now I'm never gonna let you go
'Cause I could have loved you forever
I could have loved you forever

What do you want from me?, Are you trying to punish me?
Punish me for loving you, punish me for giving to you
Punish me for nothing I do, punish me for nothing
You punish me for nothing, for nothing

Out amongst the walking wounded, every face on every bus
Is you and me and him and her and nothing can replace the us I knew
Nothing can replace the us I knew

Now I'm never gonna let you go
Now I'm never gonna let you go
And now I know I had a choice though you never made it clear to me
I thought you never felt it deeply
Now I'm never gonna let you go
Now I'm never gonna let you go
'Cause I could have loved you forever
Oh I could have loved you forever

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Cuando sepa quien fue el idiota que puso mi teléfono en un baño publico arderá Troya...

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Everything But the Girl - Walking wounded

Psoriasis strikes back

1. Llanfairpwll

All right, all right. I couldn?t say it. So? I got a seven anyway. Well yes, that?s cool and everything. But anyway now I?m on the verge of death. It?s a little bit tiring this thing of post strike recovery. But well, I think I?ve managed it quite well, in spite of being almost a living dead walking. I?m recovering now.

2. A swell day

Como siempre, llegué tarde. No importó mucho, luego de darle el regalito que mi fuerza de voluntad me dejó guardarle. La misma fuerza de voluntad que se derrite cuando estamos juntos. Caminamos, caminamos y buscamos. Maldito cable tortillero. Me compró un completo gigante con bebida chica. Le compré un helado de chocolate que comió muy rápido. Llegó la micro. Corriendo, la tomó. ?Nos vemos el viernes? me dijo. Y yo me quedé parado ahí, esperándolo?

3. Yeah, whatever.

I think that my problem is inconsistency. I tend to give up without giving it up. Maybe that?s because in the end I normally get out victoriously from every trouble. Never knowing why. Never knowing if I deserve it. Can it be simple thermodynamics? You know, the normal balance in the energy amount of the universe, functioning like the atmospheric pressure system, maintaining the homeostatic balance in the system? Unlucky in love, but lucky in gambling. Everything can be explained that way. Why applying all that esoteric crap if we know how the world works? Just balance. Wind is the result of one of those balance reconfiguration shifts. The same wind that is passing through the cleft in the windowsill and is cooling my legs now, battling against the heat that comes from the heater, is a mass of air moving from a high pressure area to a low pressure one; in order to balance the difference of pressure in a closed system. The excess of luck in gambling (study, work, whatever) comes to fill any possible gap (which is actually massive) that might be present in other fields. As long as this balance continues during this week, I should not get worried. But anyway, psoriasis has stricken back?

You know what? Not even I got convinced with that. Whatever it happens, the gaps don?t get filled in. But it is certainly useful, though.

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Manitoba - Tits and ass: the great Canadian weekend

Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch*

Whatever it might happen, I've got to be able to say that word, flawlessly. And, damn! is hard. But well. I'm used to hardness. I always manage to turn the hard way into the easy way and vice versa. As when coming home for a "study weekend". Five and a half years and I still can't get convinced that it just does not work. I'll never learn. Five and a half years and still fighting. There are many things I haven't learn in five years. But there's something I've learnt for sure: To suffer so silently that even I don't know I'm in pain...

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Then, sometimes I regret being so open. Sometimes I'd like everything to come back to a previous stage. Erase and rewind, system restore. Sometimes I'd like everyone to be more secretive. Not many useful things have arised from this. Nothing terribly bad, though. But sometimes I'd like this to be a little better. To be something that helped, instead of being a burden. But well, everything has been like this. No regrets. Moving forwards, searching...

* (St Mary's Church in the Hollow of the White Hazel near a Rapid Whirlpool and the Church of St. Tysilio near the Red Cave) is a village on the island of Anglesey in Wales, which has the longest name in the United Kingdom, and the third-longest in the world. For most purposes, however, the name is abbreviated to Llanfair PG (or Llanfairpwll among Welsh speakers) which is sufficient to distinguish it from other Welsh places named Llanfair [further info here]

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Tío Horacio - Boing, boing, boing!