31.7.04

No one can know exactly what I'm feeling right now. Even I can't know it exactly. I'm totally numb, I don't know. How much time more I'll be blank minded, moving aimlessly, just to see if something happens? How much time more can I expect it to get better? I'm not really fine. I just pretend to be so. I pretend it so well that even I can't tell that I'm not fine. And it hurts. I would like to mean something more to people that mean something for me. But I think I can't. I know a lotta people love me. But when the people you are supposed to love the most turns you down, you just can react, you're left blank. And it has happened too many times to me. What would be it? Probably it's all my fault. I tend to believe in people too much, I tend to trust too much and to think the things I feel are reciprocal. But it's been proved that I've been wrong too many times. Frankly speaking, I feel lonely. I don't like to be this brutally frank, it hurts. But well, at least it's better to write these things than to keep it to myself, just as usual. Sometimes one gets tired of being the strong one, but there's nothing left to do than letting the weight to squash me, till I get strong enough to stand up again and bear the burden, huskily, as usual. But now, I'm like a squashed insect on the floor, or whatever holds me. But I'm afraid that it's each time harder to recover without help. Hmm, I have to admit that I'm a weakling playing tough... And that I'm hungry, sleepy and cold once more...
_________________________
current audio inputSigur Rós - Njosnavelin

No hay comentarios.: